Gluteal Agony

I have an ass ache. There, I said it. It started post-run on late Tuesday night and then reappeared after last night's workout at the lagoon. In the late 80s and early 90s  (and every summer) women would kill for buns of steel. Well, let me tell you, they're a pain in the ass. 

So now, I need a remedy. This is the first runner's ache I've never had before, the first of may things I don't know how to take care of. Ice? elevate? That seems awkward. Stretch? Okay, how?

Please appreciate my predicament; if you ARE a runner, please help me out. My ass needs you.